something stupid

to http://khalidahnazihah.blogspot.com

afifah’s influence.heh.

[disclaimer:names are in random order.the order that they come in is not an indication of the most missed to least missed or vice versa.in the name of equality,i state that all y'all mentioned are equally missed in the exact same intensity]

my friends..

…Lame-ass Loser[you know who you are], Ayna,Aterq,Tmoh,Erny,Aoom,Belle,Pann,Pipon,Farahaz,Hanaa,Nanad,Alot,Tee,

Heq,Nayd,Shana,Pie,Naqe,Putq,Chept,Keker,Pcha,Kemeck,Nadas,Abir,Rosme,Mirr,Popo,

Fatem,Nana,and many many unmentioned survivors.

my juniors..

…Zati,Aussie,Ilya,Thiera,Nisha,Hawa Izzati [did i miss out on anyone?]

my cousin..

…Farah Aiman [you're the only one i haven't seen in awhile.been seeing a whole lotta Nabil though.SHEESH]

my seniors..

…whom shall remain unnamed

my intellectual soulmate[or so i like to call it]..

…who’s in this class on her own[actually i see too much of you,therefore don't exactly miss you]

my dad..

…who’s overseas and won’t be back till thursday

my brother and sister in-law..

..who live quite a distance away

my departed pets..

…biru,tugay,thomas o’malley aka usop,rahim and noor,biru jr,biscan,kechek. rest in peace fellas.

my missing treasured items..

…swatch skin that was left in the dining hall,handphone left in KFC,original purple cow left behind in some hotel,and various others.

various inanimate objects i’m particularly fond of back in college..

…dining hall and it’s food.the gold trumpet i used to play.bandroom and it’s foosball table.scores and stands.the view of block B from AR2’s backdoor.my desk in 5S.En.Ahmad’s purple tie the house gave him.canteen food.lounge tv on saturday nights.the table under the stairs in the lounge.my bed in AR2 and Matahari during SPM week.the whole atmosphere.and many more.

the happy times..

…and sad ones too

…so much.too much even.it’s amazing how true "you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone" is.truly amazing.

i’m guilt-ridden over a few things i bought-with my own hard-earned money.and also over something my mom bought me-as a gift.i know i shouldn’t be-it’s totally normal.buying yourself a treat when you’ve work hard for it and getting a gift from someone when you’ve done good.but there’s this inner voice that keeps telling me;you don’t need it.it’s just a waste.save the money.and gee,of all times.i find it harder to part with money nowadays.now that’s good right?i think i maybe becoming a little less materialistic biatch and more grown up.i keep remembering times when i got money from grand-aunts,favourite uncles,etc. and i would just blow it on something expensive i like that i wouldn’t normally get under normal circumstances;and feel good about it.now,i’m more compelled to put it in my savings rather than spend it.i haven’t spent a cent of my paycheck yet and it’s been more than a month since i’ve stopped working.well,i do owe my sis and mom for some stuff and sure,i’ve been spending some of the gift money people give me.but i’ve listed down tonnes of stuff i’d like to buy and made the calculations and all when i first started working but now,it’s just like..do i really need all those things?what is this thing that’s gotten me so uptight and stingy about spending money?is it because i actually had to work to get the money and therefore know it’s no easy feat?sometimes this wash of realization just comes over me and i realize that there are other ways to fulfill yourself than buying and spending money.it really makes me think how lucky i am to even have money to spend.some people don’t have money even to buy food and i’m busy making shopping plans on whether it’s more worth it to get a new pair of sandals or that new body shop lipgloss.sometimes i am materialistic.sometimes i do buy stuff on impulse.sometimes i just forget the more important things.there’s no such thing as retail therapy.it’s crap.just an excuse for desperate housewives to use up their husbands’ hard-earned cash.as for me,next time a fifty spot lends into my hands,it’s going in my savings.i hope.

so it’s 9.29am and i’m wide awake and online already.hrmm to what/who do we attribute this surprising change of sleeping pattern.RUDY AND JAYJAY.that’s who.

being a huge,read-HUGE,fan of ai,hitz.fm and rudy and jj[and also because i have relatively nothing else to do],i signed up for the whole they’ll-call-and-u-have-to-sing-"is hitz.fm and starworld sending me to the american idol finals"-thing.

so.this morning at 9.15,they called.by the way,when they call "private number" will show up on the screen.the only people i know with a private number listing is my dad so i know i won’t ultimately embarass myself if i just sing the damn line.but then i realized this took guts.after the fifth ring or so i picked up and kept quiet.[baru bgn tido,so i attribute that to being mamai also lah].and then after actually being prepared for the call earlier and actually knowing it was them,i went and said HELLO.

they were like "AWWWWWW.you were too shy so you didn’t get it.."etc etc yada yada.

i wasn’t surprised.like i said,i knew it was them.but why on heaven and earth did i say hello.like i said also,i realized that it actually took guts to take that small chance of remotely embarassing yourself a bit if it happened to be someone else.and i didn’t take that chance.

seemed like small matter ah.but hey it got me thinking.i missed out on a lot of stuff due to guts.or rather-lack of it.mostly because i wouldn’t want to embarass myself in any way.what’s really wrong with making a fool of yourself once in awhile if you have fun,right?well,by that i don’t mean the getting-drunk-and-dirtydance-on-a-tabletop sort of making fool of yourself lah.

i remember job-hunting with anat and both of us asking belle to ask for us.that was another thing i just find it hard to do.talking to total strangers.it really shouldn’t be that big a deal.but i made it one.

maybe this whole thing indicates an underlying issue that i haven’t really dealt with[god,i sound like a frikkin shrink].maybe i’m just a wee bit shy.i don’t know.one thing i do know.the next time a private number calls my phone i’m going to belt out "IS HITZ.FM AND STARWORLD SENDING ME TO THE AMERICAN IDOL FINALS"

yep.i’m going to take that chance.

out of total boredom i started watching af4 auditions yesterday.lame.but i had nothing else to do.i’ve watched some past season auditions before.even lamer.but hey some of them weren’t half bad.it was a better turnout i think than the previous seasons.mostly were obviously your average kaki-karaokes but seriously it wasn’t torture.okay.i like watching it mainly to predict who gets the green card.[i was wrong most times].guess ajai and syafinaz and i just don’t have the same taste.or the same sense of hearing.duh.who am i kidding.i watch just to heckle the wannabes.hahh.watching it sorta makes you feel good about yourself.i can’t explain it.maybe it’s because it makes you think you have good enough sense not to cause yourself public humiliation.but then who can blame em for trying.heck if i had good vocals[or at least think i have] i would’ve been out there myself.but for the time being,i’ll just stick to being a shower singer.it works for me.one thing though bout af.no matter how many really talented girls show up you know from the start that a guy’s gonna win it.gee.it’s just a written rule i guess.girls would spend more money voting.hence vince,zahid and duh..mawi.bah.for all my love for kaer pun,i only afundi’d him like once i think.heh.but then again i’m a cheapskate when it comes to cred.

p/s:nah,its not really lame to watch af.and not pretending not to watch it doesn’t make you cool either.so there.

support the local music industry:)

pp/s:to guys auditioning,just don’t try to pull a mawi when singing pupus or aduh saliha and u might just get a chance.

again.support the local music industry:))

man.about 3 days to D-day.[btw didja noe the D in D-day doesnt exactly stands for anything.weird eyh].seriously its surreal.here we are.been lounging around for 2months plus.and suddenly THE day comes.the day that will end all lounging,loafing and various modes of lepaking and will totally fill a person with so much anxiety its totally impossible to resume daily lepaking.gee.this is it.the day where we’ll once again be travelling down that oh-too-familiar highway to seremban.the one we’ve been back and forth to for the past five years.see familiar faces.to get that one piece of paper.the piece of paper that pretty much determines one’s future.gee whilikiers.its surreal i tell you.even thinking bout it makes one numb.if i wasnt a trained lepaker i wouldve had a mental breakdown by now.go bonkers.yknoe.its actually immense pressure.u start thinking,did i do well enough.mayb i shud’ve read more for sejarah.mayb i shudve listened to *** when she gave out spot questions.mayb i shouldnt have trusted all those spot questions.mayb i shudve answered this instead of that.i couldve done better.those thoughts just plague u.sometimes in life u just regret things.u noe when ppl older than u say stuff like;jgn main2 mase form4 u’ll regret it later.or;buat btol2 trials its really a big deal.u go like ok2.but deep inside u always think that in the future u’ll make things right but for the moment lek aa john.n when that time in life comes,u’ll go back and say;damn she was right as hell.i did play around in form4.like gile nye pray around.and i do regret it.sure was a pain mase dah form5.and now when i see ppl already on scholars,starting courses at taylors,kdu,utp,etc.its a real pain to think i could’ve been that person.its true ppl.everything comes down to effort.u work u get.simple rule.i know i have a lotta chances and opportunities ahead but then again it all comes down to this monday.it comes down to yep,that piece of paper.sure does make me wonder.based on what i feel now,the regrets and all,will i learn from it.will i change for the better.i sure do hope so.and i guess its my choice to make.hell i hope i do well.hey who doesnt eyh.

survivors.this is it.our five-year journey,it all comes down to this.if i do well i know i have you guys to thank,among others.my comrades.

gosh.it really is time alredi huh.we’re all growin up.spm seems a long time ago.now the past will either bring back fond memories or haunt us.

ya Allah ya tuhanku.kurniakanlah kejayaan 100% 10A1 kepada 140 orang pelajar ting.5 2005 kolej tunku kurshiah dan kejayaan 100% 11A1 kepada 9 orang pelajar ting.5 2005 kolej tunku kurshiah.amin ya rabbal alamin.

have faith.

that’s it.i got a frikkin car.

be it a beat-up really old proton saga that once belonged to my bro AND grandma.it’s a car to call my own.

and it is capable of covering the distance between home and OU.

what more can a girl ask for.

p/s:amai,thanks for buying the savvy and dumping the ol heap on me.

tralala.havent been writing for awhile.MALAS.but this is worthy of a bit of effort to write lah.finally had our reunion today.old skkj mates.surprisingly the turnout wasn’t bad.thank god i remembered everyone there.and hey it went..umm..ok i guess.

burger king.if it wasn’t for the reunion i wouldn’t have discovered they were having this whole spongebob kids meal thing.so hurray for that.

sure it felt a bit weird seeing everybody.because evryone cam dah jumpe evryone else before.i was out of the loop for quite sum time already.so sorry ppl if i seemed stand-offish,which i totally hoped i didnt.

shiera.tu lain cerita lah.seen her so many times dah.imkeda reunited us way before.

change -is inevitable.yup.try meeting sumone u haven’t met for the past 5,6 years and u’ll know what i mean.ppl get taller,slimmer,bigger,cuter,etc[figure out which one u are]

some things never change.that’s also true.glad we all still [generally] get along after all these years.

honest to goodness.i’m glad we had the reunion.i got to meet ppl i really wanted to meet.reconnect n all.tho we didn’t really talk much,it was fun seeing familiar faces.primary school days were fun days.so seeing ppl from those days really brought back those memories.[well actually i dont really remember much.just thought that sounded touching.hehs]

getting in touch.-isn’t that hard.we managed to get almost 20 of us there by word of mouth.also the amazing wonder of internet la.wonder how we would ever live without it.the internet i mean.

keeping in touch.-requires work.but hey again with the internet,friendster,sms,etc.it doesn’t really take that much effort.that said,skkj mates if we lose contact..that would really suck.

results.out soon.gosh that really killed my mood to write.i’ll be off now.

skkj mates.friends forever?keep in touch yah.cause it ain’t that hard anymore.glad to meet u guys again.

got my L

starting work in OU on feb11

no valentines

dependant on sis’ notebook for internet

yearning for a trip to france

studying "epl for dummies" with my sis n dad

dreaming of nokia7370

chelsea scored but a second ago.huhuh.

im currently living my everyday life without internet access and a working dvd player.so i’ve resorted to low-impact aerobics.muahahahah.i’m embarking on a journey to discover the benefits of low-tech living.wish me luck and pray i succeed.my phone?no way on earth i’m giving that up.just mediocre low-tech.can’t be too extreme y’know.so if u ym/fs buddies who might’ve noticed my current mia status.this explains it.